Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
