My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
