i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
