She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
