you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
