Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
