GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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