Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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