During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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