grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
