Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she smelled like a LAN party
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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