This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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