hotel room ftw
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
