i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
