I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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