If i could tip my vagina, i would.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
