Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i will never coherently bang her
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
