Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
