I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
