Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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