you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
