I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
