Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
