I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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