dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
