fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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