all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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