My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
