dude i'm inner monologue high
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
