Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
