Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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