i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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