She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
