Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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