I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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