Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
