Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
