i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
