you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just google imaged poop.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
