Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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