I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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