Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
