Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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