...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
