I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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