i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
