it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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