Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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