I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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