Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
