what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
