Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
