Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
