Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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